Overcoming Failure

“At first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

Have you ever dedicated countless hours, weeks, months, or even years towards a goal? The amount of patience, perseverance, and resiliency that is involved in committing to a long-term goal is overwhelmingly impressive, and it is truly the best feeling to achieve your goal and celebrate all your hard work! However, have you ever engaged in this level of dedication, and still failed?

I know I have.

I know several other high-achieving, goal-oriented individuals have.

For example, Caeleb Dressel, 7x Olympic Gold Medalist and World Record Holder, shared on the Unfiltered Waters podcast with former Olympians Missy Franklin and Katie Hoff, that he has experienced failure on multiple levels. On one level, he shared that he has failed to achieve times or placements that would award him with a certain title (e.g., “Gold Medalist,” “World Record Holder”). On a deeper level, he shared that he has failed from his own standards. Despite achieving a several gold medals in the Tokyo Olympics, Caeleb still felt like he did not swim fast enough. He shared that this experience of perfectionism created the belief that he hadn’t trained hard enough and was a bad person. Caeleb goes on to discuss how he overcame his perfectionism, learned to love the sport again, and how “a happy swimmer is a fast swimmer.” As a sport psychologist, Caeleb’s story stands out because it highlights one of sport psychology’s key challenges: pursuing excellence vs. perfectionism.

Perfectionism is the the belief that one must be perfect to be acceptable. Perfectionism is black and white, and anything other than perfect is failure. Perfectionism is an attitude, not necessarily a behavior. Unlike perfectionism, pursuing excellence does not demand a sacrifice of self-worth, as it tends to focus on the process of achievement rather than the outcome alone. The difference lies in the thought process about the goal or behavior, NOT in the goal or behavior itself. In other words, two people can engage in the same behavior (e.g., trying to win an Olympic gold medal), but one can be pursuing excellence and the other is demanding perfection.

As Caeleb shared, perfectionism ultimately leads to unstable self-worth and mental health challenges, which can then negatively impact performance. Instead, pursuing excellence allows athletes and high-achievers to chase their dreams, while maintaining integrity, no matter the outcome.

So as the saying goes, “At first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” However, I encourage you to try from the place of desire, fun, and intrinsic motivation rather than from fear and self-criticism. Pursue excellence and be mindful of when perfectionistic tendencies may arise. If/when they do, reach out for support! You are not alone in that experience and there are many skills that can help you realign with your values.

To learn more about how to pursue excellence or other sports performance skills, contact me via my portal or at drlandis@harborcounselingjax.com. You can also follow along for more sport psychology and mental health information @harborcounselingjax on Instagram!